(Bill Beaucoup’s Pumpkin)

(movita’s pumpkin – it’s a wolf, you stupid plonkers)

From Adopamop and Isa in France:

Deliberation, as usual, was not a job taken lightly by the French contingent this year. Both entries have obvious merit and showed distinction in separate areas. There was, however, immediately a problem as the following conversation helps illustrate:

Judge A: That tiger is pretty impressive. It’s really cleanly carv…

Judge B: Wait, wait, wait, what “tiger”?!?

Judge A: This one (gesturing at DSCN1174.jpg)

Judge B: You mean the scary bear??

Judge A: No, the tiger right here. But what are these lines near the nose?

Judge B: That’s where the skin around the bear’s nose wrinkles back as it bares its teeth in this vicious snarl; haven’t you ever seen a bear snarling up close before?

Judge A: What about the giant teeth though, bears don’t ha… wait, have you ever been up close to a bear snarling viciously??

Judge B: Well… no, but that’s definitely what it looks like. And of course they have great big teeth, bears are badass! A bear could totally take a tiger in a fight.

Judge A: … wait, what?!?

Despite it’s clean execution, and appearance of a (relatively) high level of complexity the Tiger-Bear does get penalized early on for not being clearly identifiable. In fact just now I’m realizing that maybe it’s a werewolf!

The other entry certainly has some immediately evident faults as well. The cut lines are imprecise, marker lines from the initial design sketch are still showing, and the hollowing out has been done so hastily that there are still threads of innards dangling in the eye sockets. This guy is evil sure, we get that, but we weren’t fooled into believing that this eye socket pulp was an intentional attempt to  bolster his evil persona. It’s just sloppy instead.

However, Halloween should have guts spilling out, and he who is causing said guts to spill out should be smirking maliciously. Coupled with the inspired addition of the cranial bolts, suggesting that this was some freaky Halloween night experiment gone dreadfully awry, this entry can’t help but embody the true essence of All Hallows’ Eve.

The decision on the French end was unanimous this year: The cannibalistic Franken-gourd wins.

Arg. French people are so… nevermind.

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Here’s the thing. The Rutherfords had another baby. It’s kinda cramping movita’s competitive nature. So, here’s what movita is thinking: why don’t you compete with her? And other losers cool people from the interweb? The Rutherfords can still get on board. Who knows… maybe their kids will sleep one night and they can slap together one of their crappy houses.

Here’s what you do:

1. Create a super-awesome gingerbread house.
2. Send movita a picture (two max) of your super-awesome gingerbread house by December 25th.
3. Watch for a picture of your super-awesome gingerbread house to appear on movitabeaucraft. That’s movita’s other blog.
4. Watch people vote for your super-awesome gingerbread house/write mean comments about your entry.
5. Win the respect and admiration of many.

Yah. There’s no real prize. Just fame and bragging rights. Sounds fun, right? Good. It’s settled. Send movita your photos.

Email photo(s) of your entry to movita@live.ca by December 25th, 2010.

Photos shouldn’t include you/your whiny kids/your weird pets. We just wanna see your gingerbread house. Be sure to send your name, email and any other information you might want included with your entry. Your personal information will not be posted on the interweb. That would be creepy. And don’t send some photo you found online and then claim it as your own. That’s really creepy.

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Pumpkin A (Bill Beaucoup’s)

Pumpkin B (movita and 2.0′s)

movita knows you like to hear this stuff, so she won’t deny you the pleasure. This year’s first essay came from one of movita’s co-workers. She’s really into rooting for movita.

Pumpkin A

After researching the origin of the Jack o lantern (which I won’t bore you with), I considered this pumpkin to be quite in keeping with Halloween and very well suited to it’s purpose (which I also won’t bore you with). I wondered what this pumpkin was actually eating…hmmmm….was there a resemblance to a Rutherford there? Perhaps…perhaps not. Appears to have been done free hand …no stencil here! Or was there? Level of difficulty? None! Perhaps the teeth….just a little. Originality? I’ve seen this before….seen it lots …..bored already! All in all a good (not great) entry.

Pumpkin B

Wolf or cat? Werewolf? Werecat? I’ll assume wolf. Stencil! Stencil! Stencil! No free hand here…or is there? Level of difficulty? Some…appears to be very finely carved. (Appearances can be deceiving.) Originality? I’ve seen this before too – not so much as Pumpkin A – not altgether bored. All in all a very good (not great) entry.

…was expecting greater things from both teams. So, based on the entries, and the fact that it is a ‘Pumpkin Carving Contest’ not a ‘Jackolantern Contest’ and that I really have no criteria on which to base a choice other than the ones I made up – I vote for Pumpkin B.

Uh, thanks?

movita’s sister is a writer. movita figured she could count on her vote based on their shared awesomeness. movita was wrong.

I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out whose was HOOS. (See what I did there?) We have, once again, a cannibalized fetus pumpkin and a scary kitty (or is it a wolf?). Did the teams return to their 2009 concepts to improve their execution and artistry and directly address Grasshopper’s scathing reviews? If so: BOLD. Or: LAZY.

AnyHOO, like last year’s Cat And Pancake, the sabre-tooth/wolf is extremely well executed — I suspect by the same hand, though its resemblance to a hockey jersey logo suggests 2.0 wielding some sort of mysterious power over movita. Intriguing. No, I can’t tell whether it’s a cat or dog, and yes, the candle is too visible, but I don’t care, damn it. I just want to know who did it so I can get them to cut in my ceiling paint.

As for the cucurbitacide, I’m impressed by the way this year’s victim has either (1) vomited up it’s entire soul plus last night’s spaghetti or (2) been thoroughly masticated from toe to head, as well as the delicate application of ketchup or possibly freezer jam. The Frankensteinesque studs are a nice flourish, though I might have liked an additional accessory to balance them out, such a silver tooth or mock turtleneck. It may be less sophisticated than the tiger/wolf, but as I have a soft spot for the suffering of others and jack o’lanterns HOO sport six o’clock shadows and pause, mid-chomp, to pose cheerfully for photographs, my vote is with the dead gourd.

Respectfully submitted, yours, etc.,

Typical. She would side with movita’s father.

Also, movita would like to point out that when she showed her students the photo of her pumpkin they all knew it was a wolf. Even the stupid kids.

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Bill Beaucoup’s Pumpkin:

Pumpkin Carve-Off 2010. Bill Beaucoup competed on behalf of The Rutherfords (the weirdos went off and had another baby right before the competition), and then five judges were nominated to pick the winner. An odd number of judges is always selected to avoid a tie.

When movita sent photos of this year’s entries for Pumpkin Carve-Off, she asked the judges to select either Pumpkin A or Pumpkin B. Pumpkin A or B. That’s all. No essays were requested. Just a simple choice: A or B. Three responses came on the day movita sent the photos (October 31, 2010). The votes were, of course, accompanied by wordy explanations – why the judge voted the way he/she did, why the pumpkins sucked, what they would have done differently, and so on. And then there was waiting. With people pestering movita for the results. Adopamop finally sent his response on November 6th. Grasshopper? God knows. Still writing his essay? Perhaps. movita has started to worry a little about him. Just a little, mind you, because movita is very important and has better things to do with her time.

So movita has declared this year’s competition a tie. Three winners, really. movita, 2.0 and Bill Beaucoup. movita can only assume that Grasshopper didn’t want to point out that Bill Beaucoup had basically carved the same pumpkin that movita and 2.0 had the year before, and that he didn’t want to hurt an old man’s feelings. A senior citizen unable to search the archives of movita’s blog to see previous Pumpkin Carve-Off entries. Well played, Grasshopper. Well played indeed.

Some of the other judges have now requested that The Slow Judges be removed from our panel of experts. One in particular has been quite testy about the whole affair. movita kind of agrees – though she does enjoy the essays submitted by The Slow Judges. So, when pondering the situation, movita made a decision. She has decided to open Pumpkin Carve-Off 2011 to ANYONE WHO WANTS TO CARVE A PUMPKIN. That’s right. She’ll be accepting entries from you. All of you. Whaddaya think? There will be rules, of course. Because movita likes rules. She’ll tell you all about ‘em next October. And fans of her blog(s) will decide the winners. In a poll. With no essays. (Except for Adopamop, Hagley and Grasshopper. They’ll tell you exactly what is wrong with your pumpkin whether you wanna know or not. movita’s thinking they’d make a good panel of experts to guide voters.)

Oh, and for those of you who really enjoy reading those Pumpkin Carve-Off essays? movita will post some of 2010′s submissions this week…

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2.0′s Trick or Treat Count:

• 1 leopard
• 1 giraffe
• 1 Austin Powers
• 1 Luigi
• 1 guy from Scream
• 1 fairy
• 1 Doug
• 1 zombie
• 8 girls with dumb costumes
• 1 witch
• 1 big mask
• 1 bride (goth)
• 1 joker
• 4 Asian kids, no costumes
• 1 joker
• 1 joker (Batman)
• 1 Dorothy
• 1 sulky teen
• 2 bumble bees
• 1 bubble wrap
• 2 boys with dumb costumes
• 1 ladybug
• 1 punk ass teen
• 1 Jason

Total: 35 trick or treaters

He’s very thorough.

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Don’t worry, movita’s on it. Now quit your cryin’.

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http://www.murray4mayor.biz/category/gallery/

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2.0: Why?

movita: I have a friend…

2.0: Oh. To date? Um… no. No one who’s single.

movita: What about Jerry?

2.0: No way. He’s a total dunce. I’d never let one of your friends date him.

movita: Really? (pausing) Wait… weren’t you going to set him up with my sister?

2.0: I didn’t say she had to marry him.

movita: You are really bad at this.

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movita: I don’t know.

2.0: ‘Cuz I’m pretty sure I’m feeling nipples here.

movita:

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