bearly speaking

Last week, movita and 2.0 went to visit the Beaucoups. They had a lovely meal and did a little relaxing around the dinner table. Rosie Beaucoup had been talking about a rabbit for days on end. “Oh, the rabbit is so cute.” Or, “the rabbit kept me company when I was in the garden.” Or, “that rabbit is probably eating all of my perennials.” So, when Rosie Beaucoup lead 2.0 and movita out into the yard for a post-dinner wander, movita wasn’t surprised when Rosie Beaucoup started running toward a rustling in the shrubs. She was looking for her bff (bunny friend forever). In fact, movita kind of ran behind her. movita really likes bunnies. “There’s the rabbit,” Rosie Beaucoup yelled, and then pulled movita by the arm toward the rustling.

Now, movita can tell you than hind sight is 20/20. Looking back, when 2.0, Rosie Beaucoup and movita were standing on the lawn, movita remembers hearing the men next door talking rather loudly about a bear. But this didn’t really register with movita until she was running from a bear. She had been running toward the bear because her mother was telling her to run toward the bunny. This was a big mistake. It happened because movita’s mother can’t tell the difference between a small, brown floofy bunny and a big mother f*n black bear. So, though hind sight is 20/20, Rosie Beaucoup’s eye sight is not. Way the frick not.

When Rosie Beaucoup yelled, “oh my God, that’s a bear,” movita was, needless to say, scared shitless. Rosie Beaucoup, 2.0 and movita were now about 20 feet from a very large black bear. When Rosie Beaucoup started to run, movita followed. Because that’s what movita does. When Rosie Beaucoup runs, movita runs. movita is quite sure that she broke Usain Bolt’s 100 metre world record. You guessed it, she engaged Super Speed Mode. And when Rosie Beaucoup, 2.0 and movita were safe inside the house, they watched the black bear dismantling the bird feeders from the kitchen window. That’s when movita remembered the stories she’d heard of bears crashing through living room windows. But she didn’t mention this to The Beaucoups because the bear looked kind of like he might try coming up the steps by the back door. (To eat them.)

Obviously, movita has lived to tell the tale. She outran a bear, and would have wrestled it had it tried to eat Lucy 1.0 (the dog). But it was the most frightened movita has ever remembered feeling. And she was so happy that they had all survived the ordeal and that the bear eventually wandered off the property.

Later, when driving home, 2.0 seemed a little miffed.

2.0: You left me behind!

movita: What?

2.0: You ran inside of the house and you and your mother never looked back to see if I was there. You left me with the bear!

movita: I knew you were there. You’re very fast and agile.

2.0: You didn’t know I was there! I could have tripped. The bear could have been eating me.

movita: No. I sensed you were there.

2.0: I just watched the back of both of you running as fast as you could. You didn’t look back. I know because I WAS BEHIND YOU.

movita: Oh, honey. No sense in us both being killed. It was fight or flight. I just ran. I was scared. And you know what they say… you don’t have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun the slowest person.

2.0: Not funny. I’m not speaking to you starting… now.

movita has resisted the urge to tell 2.0 that if Rosie Beaucoup had looked back she wouldn’t have seen him anyway.

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